Background Checks: Safety, Trust and Communication

Online singles, beware. You could end up dead like the murder victim of Craigslist killer Philip Haynes Markoff, or the multiple young women terrorized by Australian killer Christopher Dannevig. Alternatively, you could end up falling for a con artist who is married to someone else, or just a good-looking woman with no job but a hankering for a rich man to support her princess complex.

The anonymity of our brave, new digital culture is frightening, and there are many reasons to conduct online background checks of your potential lovers. At the same time, fostering an environment of snooping and spying instead of using honest communication in relationships can be a dating deal breaker.

Stalking and identity theft represent the extreme end of the privacy violation spectrum. You could be followed and watched without your knowledge, or your good credit and security could be compromised. It's all possible with online background checks, which can provide extensive personal information to anyone for about 50 bucks. Less dangerous, but still creepy, are nanny cams and infidelity test kits that spouses use to spy on committed partners. It's deceptive and deceitful. Be frank with yourself: If you need to do these things to your spouse, the relationship is probably already over.

Healthy communication in relationships completes the trust loop, and it leads to more happiness and better partnerships. Unfortunately, having too little information can decimate good relationships. This could be a poor credit history for your potential partner or discovery of a criminal and sexually deviant past. Protecting yourself is paramount, whether you have uncertainty from too little information or distrust spawned by spying and snooping. For the best chance of success, we recommend finding a healthy balance. Below is a list of things to think about as you contemplate trust, privacy and communication in relationships.

By the Numbers
One-third of dating couples and 37 percent of spouses admit to checking their partner's email or call history secretly, according to a survey last year by the gadget shopping site Retrevo.com, which surveyed more than 1,000 people online. People younger than 25 snooped even more, and one in 10 of them found evidence of cheating. More troubling is the fact that more than one in 100 adults in the U.S. has been convicted of sex crimes.

Don't Confuse Privacy and Secrecy
Establishing privacy boundaries is vital for successful partnerships, and you can foster it using honest communication in relationships. Know your needs before you talk, and then hold your ground. Secrecy is another story. Defined as working to escape notice, knowledge or observation, secrecy is overtly deceptive and harmful. If you or your partner are engaging in it, it's either time for another talk or time to walk away.

Check Backgrounds Online Early
Today's people search engines make it easy to find almost anyone, whether all you have is a name and approximate age, a social networking profile or a phone number. This means that before a first date, you can check on your would-be partner's background. That way, you can learn of any criminal background upfront. You can also check marriage licenses and property ownership right off the bat.

In contrast, if you wait for hormones to kick in and feelings to develop, it's probably too late to conduct an anonymous background check. If you didn't perform one at the beginning, it's okay to do one later, but you should talk about it with your partner. Be aware that some of the information that shows up in online background checks is inaccurate, as most service providers rely solely on public records, which can be outdated or erroneous.

There Could be Legal Trouble
It's a felony to look through your partner's mail without permission. Similarly, it's illegal to use personal information you find online to pretend to be someone you're not, and you can't use that data for stalking. At the same time, looking at public records is never a legal violation, and neither is checking property records and possible employment history. We recommend looking at your personal ethics, your local laws and the status of your relationship before you do anything.

Spying and safety can go hand-in-hand in romance, but you should turn to honest communication in relationships to avoid future trouble. Use online background checks carefully, and early, but don't use them as a weapon. The best background checking services protect the privacy of users and investigation subjects alike, but others let you order these sensitive reports without verifying who you are or why you're conducting the check.

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